me.

After all Mother had said about Jan, I should have been suspicious of her sudden eagerness that I receive Jan's call. But instead, I was too weakened by humiliation of what Bob had done to me. And too starved to hear Jan's voice.

I lifted the phone to my ear as someone dying of thirst gulps water.

In response to my tremulous "Hello Jan!" she said in a wistful tone, "Melba-I never wanted to draw you into aa life that would shame you. I had to tell you that, dear."

"I know it," I said. Then I bit my lip. But what Bob had done shamed me. Oh how could I tell Jan how dreadful it was? She would be so hurt.

"Melba" her voice sounded odd, as if she were strangling. "Darling-I want to give you a chance to see if love you me as much as you think do. But you if I've unduly influenced you" her voice broke. Then she continued, "I mean if you'd be happier being like most girls-I-I don't want to ruin your life." I was bewildered.

"Jan-I" If only I had told her I wanted her to come to me then. If I'd seen her face to face, and we'd talked everything out then and there, I'd have escaped much suffering. So would Jan, and the man I later married.

But I wasn't wise enough to know that then....I suppose sensitive Jan thought my lack of an answer to what she said, indicated that I considered I might be happier living like most girls, instead of the way Jan and I had planned to someday live-TOGETHER! “Oh, darling—if only you weren't so young. If only I could believe you wanted from life what I want. But you are young." Jan sighed.

While I was at a loss for words, Jan waited. I could hear her breathing heavily over the telephone.

Then in a voice deeply troubled she said, "I'm leaving town, Melba. I'm going to San Francisco!" "To-to San Francisco?" I stammered from shock. "Yes, dear." She spoke tenderly but with firmness. "W___why?

"Someday you'll understand my reasons. Terror lashed at me. Had Jan learned of my rape? Did it disgust her? Was that why she was going away? "Was-it--because of" I choked, unable to complete the ugly sentence.

Jan replied gently,

"Your Mother came to see me this morning. It's because of something she told me.

"About Bob and me?" Fear strangled me.

"Yes, darling," Jan choked too.

"Oh" I thought Jan meant she wanted to go away because Bob had raped me....Oh I should have known better. I should have trusted Jan. But I was so ashamed of what had happened, I supposed she was ashamed of

me.

I should have realized it was utterly unlike Jan to desert me when I was in trouble or had been hurt. Ever since I'd known her she had helped me. When I fell down and cut my leg one morning in the stock room at the store, and the other girls shuddered at the sight of the blood, it was Jan who had stopped the bleeding and carried me in her strong arms to the doctor's office across the street. Jan was dependable. Oh what a fool I was to doubt Jan!

Yet I was dragged down to a pit of despair by the idea that she was deserting me now.

She said huskily,

"Melba, remember one thing. No matter what happens I'll always love you. Always!"

How strange! She was going away from me-yetshe sounded as if she wanted to be near me always. And I knew I'd always long for Jan. The only thing